Loki and Katerina's Excellent adventure
by Writingaddict2
Summary: Set after the Avengers movie ended Loki finds himself in our world and his only guide a spunky girl named Katerina. When worlds collide hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

"Where amI?" Loki groaned and took a look at his surroundings. Midgard. He had to be in Midgard. However, something was not right about this place. It..._felt_ wrong, like déjà vu. It left him trying to figure out just what was going on and why he felt so uneasy. He took a moment to register where he was: a small structure in which Midgardians parked their chariots.

_Now, what were those called again?_ He searched his memory for the correct word. Parking garage. That is what they were called: parking garages.

How he even _got_ into the structure baffled him to no end. By his account, he should be in Asgard, learning what punishment Odin had set up for him. Unless... this _was_ his punishment: to remain on Midgard, powerless and helpless as a babe. That terrified him. Without his powers, he might as well have been put to a slow, painful death.

Just as he was about to cry out in anger, he heard two female voices coming towards him. He quickly ducked behind the nearest chariot and waited for them to pass. The girls were rather strange looking to the ex-god. They were dressed in, as far as he saw it, nothing but their knickers. The first was wearing _pants_ along with a shirt that came to her midriff, the other two were dressed in a corset and leggings, and the only thing covering their shoulders was a cloak with fur trim.

"Hey, are you ok, sir?" one of them asked, finally noticing him huddled behind a station wagon.

"I'm perfectly fine!" he snapped, hoping that his bluff would fool them.

"Then why are you hiding behind my mom's station wagon?" she asked, not an ounce of hostility in her voice or eyes.

Loki tried to come up with an explanation, but he could not. In fact, he could not even speak.

"My name is Katerina!" The girl - no, Katerina said, smiling as she held out a hand for him to shake.

Loki stared at the hand, unsure what exactly he was supposed to do.

"You're supposed to shake it." She chuckled as she took his hand gently and shook it.

"I-I knew that," Loki stammered.

"Do you have a name?" she asked.

"Loki Laufeyson, God of mischief," he replied utterly serious.

"_Riiiight_," one of the other girls said, laughing.

"Be nice, Kelly!" Katerina said, smacking her friend's arm and giving her a death glare.

Loki could not understand what had caused the mortal known as "Kelly" to laugh as she had, nor could he understand why Katerina had reprimanded her friend for her actions.

"Such strange mortals," Loki muttered.

"Kat, I think he truly believes he's Loki." Kelly's grey eyes grew wide and she took several steps back, almost as if she didn't want to catch his insanity.

Katerina held up a hand in a "just wait a second" manner and said: "Si- Loki. Loki, do you know where you are?"

"Midgard," Loki said matter-of-factly.

"Wow, he does." Katerina's look of total shock said everything.

"I don't believe I am Loki, I actually _am_ Loki!" he insisted, his tone reaching that of a child on the verge of a tantrum.

"Ok, ok! Easy!" Katerina said, trying to calm him down a little.

Loki looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he huffed and just stood there pouting slightly.

"Do you have any where to go, Lord Loki?" Katerina asked, figuring it'd be better to just go with his insanity than try to correct it.

"No, I do not," he admitted.

"My place is open." Katerina smiled, hoping it would cheer the strange man up.

"You would let a stranger into your home?" Loki asked raising an eyebrow at Katerina's offer.

"You look relatively harmless," she replied, praying he actually was.

"Alright, Midgardian, I accept your offer," Loki said, regaining some dignity.

"Awesome!"

Loki almost jumped out of his skin when she unlocked the door.

"What sorcery is this?" he shouted. His voice sounded a little squeaky from the fright.

"Unlocking my mom's van. It involves science, not magic." Kat chuckled, as she opened the side door for him.

"Where I come from science and magic are one and the same." He sounded very much like Thor. Which did _not _please him.

"Huh. Well, if you're coming, you might want to get in the van." Kat was a little perplexed by his statement, but didn't think anything of it.

"Alright," Loki said, taking a tentative step into the vehicle. Luckily, it didn't take him long to figure out how to shut the door. Although, the seat belt posed several problems, until Kelly, rolling her eyes at his struggles buckled it for him. He mumbled his thanks and stared glumly out the window the rest of the way.

When they reached Kat's house, it was long since dark and Loki was more than a little nervous. Last time he had been on Midgard he'd had the upper hand, but now he was completely vulnerable. Kat sensed his unease, took his hand, and squeezed it a little.

"It's ok. I promise no one's gonna hurt you, " Kat said comfortingly.

"Alright." He sighed, still not entirely convinced of the nature of the mortal's kindness.

"Come on." Kat smiled softly, gently leading him inside and taking him upstairs. "I'm not sure if Chad's gonna have anything you'll like, but at least it'll be a change from what you're currently in."

"Why do you wish for my clothes?" His suspicion clear as day.

"So I can wash them, silly!" She laughed. It was a beautiful laugh that the god could not help but love.

"Oh." Her kindness had clearly caught him off guard and he was worried that he was going to regret agreeing to her offer.

"You can sleep here. Chad's away at college and won't be back for several months," she said, motioning to the room next to her. "Shirts are in the first drawer, pants in the third, socks and undies in the fourth, and I don't even want to know what's in the second drawer."

"Th-Thank you," he replied, not used to this amount of kindness.

"You're welcome, " she smiled. "Oh, and the clothes bin is to the left of the dresser."

"Good night... Katerina," he whispered.

"Good night, Loki." She turned out the lights smiling a little.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki woke the next morning in a house he didn't recognise, and for a moment, he panicked.

"Loki! Breakfast!" Katerina called. Her voice reminded him of exactly what happened and where he was, and strangely, he didn't mind being with the mortal at all.

"Coming!" He shouted back. _Now which chest drawer has what article of clothing again? _

He finally decided to check the second drawer. The god held his breath, and closed his emerald green eyes, expecting the worst as he yanked open the drawer. There was nothing there but a photo album, on the well-worn leather cover was written "To Kat, love Chad". He knew better than to go through the album but a sudden, and familiar, urge caused him to go through it anyway. It chronicled Chad's life and then, once Katerina was born, hers. As he flipped through the book, he felt a heaviness in his heart that wasn't there before. It grew even more perplexing when a water droplet fell onto one of the pages. Loki studied it curiously, and looked at the ceiling for any signs of water damage, or storm clouds. Finding neither he grew even more frustrated until he felt something hot and wet streak down his face. He wiped away the moisture, and came back with a tear. He had been crying, which was strange since he had not cried since... Now that he thought about it; had he ever cried?

"Loki come on! Your waffles are getting cold!" Katerina called again, snapping Loki out of his reverie.

"Alright!" He replied, putting the album back as he found it, and ran downstairs.

"He lives!" She chuckled as he walked in.

"If I wasn't alive I wouldn't be coming down the stairs now would it?" He asked not quite understanding the idiom.

"Right, you're Loki. Loki's don't know Midgardian idioms." Kat sighed.

"Did I say something wrong?" He tensed almost as if waiting to be struck.

"No, no, no! You didn't say anything wrong!" Kat reassured him. "What makes you think you did?"

"I don't know." He muttered.

Kat's heart ached for the man. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

"Thank you Katerina." He whispered.

"You're welcome Loki," She smiled, "now let's get you some food."

She broke one of the waffles into four pieces and put them on a plate for Loki. "They're really good. I promise."

Loki took a tentative nibble and was pleasantly surprised; the simple creations were delicious.

"What are these called?" Loki asked after he had finished his first bite.

"They're called 'Waffles' they're pretty popular in my house, especially when I make them." She replied.

"I can see why," he said as he began finishing the waffle.

"Oh I almost forgot! You and I will be shopping today. You can't wear my brother's stuff anymore, as I found out he's coming back earlier than I thought. Something about sleeping with a teacher ... any way he'll be coming tomorrow and he'll need his clothes back." Kat said, adding, "Sometimes I wonder if we're even related."

"That I can understand my dear; believe me I can understand that." Loki replied thinking back to the millions of times he had wondered himself how he and Thor were related before finding out the truth.

"We're leaving as soon as I've finished my coffee." Kat said pouring herself a cup almost as if to emphasize the point.

"Alright." He looked around nervously.

"I'm not gonna leave you there! I pinkie swear." She put out her pinkie. "You're supposed to hold it with yours."

Tentatively he took it.

She smiled and said, "I pinkie swear that I will not leave you at the store all by yourself."

Kat unclasped her pinkie and the promise was made, and somehow that promise had quieted his fears. Even if it was only for just a moment.

Loki smiled softly to himself. For the first time he had made a friend, an actual, factual, friend.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where are we going?" Loki asked, tired of the uncomfortable silence.

"I already told you! We're going shopping!" Katerina replied, chuckling.

"Yes, but what market will we be 'shopping' at?" His emerald green eyes had a genuine curiosity in them.

"It's called 'Walmart'. Midguardians shop there a lot because they have just about anything and it's pretty cheap."

"I take it wealth is important here?" he asked, turning his head to look out the window again.

"Of course! Money means power, security and status!" she replied.

Loki's eyes lit up, "What kind of power?"

"_Maybe this world isn't a punishment after all,_" he thought, grinning to himself.

"NO! _That's_ what got you in trouble in the first place!" Katerina said, as if reprimanding a pup.

"I deserve a little more credit and respect than that!" he hissed.

"To be trusted one must first be shown to be trustworthy," she rebutted, gripping the wheel and clenching her teeth.

"So you can trust me to not kill you in your sleep, yet the moment I ask a simple question about your world, you assume the worst!" he growled. His temper was beginning to get the better of him.

"You've been willing to do anything to gain power in the past! What's changed to keep you from doing it again?" she asked. In her eyes was a dangerous fire.

"Now you believe I am who I said I am?" he smirked.

"I hate to break it to you 'Lord Loki', but you're just a crazy man who just happens to look like Tom Hiddles!" She was at her breaking point and if the argument didn't end soon, someone was going to get hurt.

"So you _**do **_think me to be a madman!"

"I'm sorry, but Loki is just a story! Something the Vikings, and later Marvel Comics, made up! He's not real and the sooner you realise that, the better!" Katerina snapped.

"W-w-w- what?" Loki asked. Had the ants truly forgotten?

"I can tell you verbatim everything that Loki has ever said. Why? Because I happen to be one of those people who can memorize movies well. Sir, I don't know what happened to you to make you think like this, but you should know you are not Loki." Katerina pitied the man, but she knew she couldn't let him keep up his charade.

"I don't believe you!"

"Ahem and I quote: 'Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I shall not be bullied by...' Hulk tosses Loki around like a rag-doll for several seconds. Then smashes him into the ground. As the look of utter shock crosses Loki's face, Hulk grins and says to him: 'Puny god.' He leaves as Loki groans in the newly made crater."

"How did you know of that? Only the brute and I were present!" Loki was shocked, and rather confused.

"I and the rest of the Avengers fans know that because we paid ten bucks a pop to go see the movie. A lot of us did, several times, and cosplayed as our favorite characters too!" Out of the corner of her eye she could see 'Loki' as he tried to make sense of what she had said.

"I am a... story? Something man conjured out of his imagination?" he asked.

"You are real, Loki is not," she replied. The angry edge to her voice now gone.

"I cannot exist, yet be a myth. I am one or the other!"

"I don't know how to get this through your thick skull, but you are not Loki! You are a man who is sick and needs help!" Katerina realised that the man was dead set on being Loki and nothing she said or did could change that.

"You fool!" Finally, his emotions took him from Loki the Asguardian to Loki the Jotun.

"HOLY SHIT!" Katerina shouted. She swerved, nearly crashing the car.

"Now, do you believe me?" he asked, his red eyes boring into her hazel.

"Do I really have a choice?!" Katerina pulled over and put her hazards on. She needed to catch her breath and, poorly, attempt to rationalize this.

"What was that about me being a myth and a children's tale again?" He smirked.

"How is that even possible? Earth Zero is just the Marvelized version of this world... and other dimensions don't exist... at least not _this_ kind!" Katerina was beginning to hyperventilate. Even though she took him in, she _**did not **_sign up for this.

"Our worlds are connected- " he began.

"No! This world is where the movie you come from originated! I can show you pictures when we get home. New York is safe and sound," she said, trying to convince herself more than anyone else that this wasn't happening.

"In the words of one of your wise men: 'I think therefore I am'," he replied, smiling softly in spite of himself.

"That only applies in this world!"

"You humans seem to believe in what you can see and touch. I know you can see me." He gently placed his hand on the seat next to her own. "And I know you can feel the chill. With this evidence, can you still deny me?"

"I'm hallucinating! I have to be hallucinating!" Panic seeped into her voice, causing it to crack.

"Hallucinations can't draw the attention of oncoming chariots like the black one pulling up now."

"The what?" Katerina squeaked.

A knock on her window confirmed it.

"Ma'am, roll down your window for me," the officer said with a southern drawl.

Katerina did as she was told, praying to whatever or whoever would listen that the officer wouldn't ask too many questions about her smurf-esque passenger. She pulled out her license and registration before the officer even asked. One could never be too much of a brown-noser when it came to cops.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked, pretending to take interest in the papers to avoid staring at the bizarre boy with her.

"We were having a bit of an argument. I pulled over so he could get out and we could both cool off a bit. We're fine now, though." She didn't think she was any good at lying, but in this case the truth would send her straight to a hospital.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, officer, thank you for your concern." Katerina replied trying to keep the nervousness out of her voice.

"Alright, you two have a good day and try to stay outta trouble," he said, handing back her license and registration.

"You too!" She smiled, rolling up her window. She merged into traffic with the feeling that the cop didn't quite believe her story.

"That was way too close for comfort!" she said after fifteen minutes of silence, her voice still shaky from all the "surprises".

"Would you rather we went home and went to the market another day?" He couldn't quite explain it, but something about this girl - no, this woman - compelled him to protect her and comfort her.

"No, I'm fine. Plus, we're almost there," she replied. "Oh, and you might want to shift back to a more human looking version. There are no theaters around here, so I can't use the excuse that you're cosplaying."

Loki smiled and his skin color returned to "normal".


	4. Chapter 4

Katerina entered Walmart she couldn't help but feel as if she forgot something...something important.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked.

"Yeah...I just can't shake the feeling that I forgot something really, really, _REALLY_ important," she replied trying to think of exactly what that something was.

As she continued to walk further into the store she couldn't shake that feeling. She went into the produce section to get some more fruit in the house as her brother would irritate her until she got it for him anyway.

"Katerina?" Loki asked.

"Yes Loki?" she replied not looking up.

"Please tell me there are many blond overly muscular men in your world..." he muttered his facial tick seeping into his voice.

"Yeah," she said not really paying attention.

"Are you sure?" he asked again seeing yet another man that looked like his brother.

"Positive Loki," she said rolling her eyes, "now calm down before you shift in front of everyone and I have to think up another, rather crappy lie, to get us out of it."

Loki sighed, "Will you at least take a look?"

"At?"

"Oh holy-" Katerina's eyes grew wide at the realization that the thing that was nagging her was that it was unofficial Thor cosplay day.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Loki hissed recognizing her look of shock.

"It's not actually him, they're all cosplayers," she replied groaning. This was going to be a very _LOOOOONNNNGGG_ trip.

"These are the cosplayers of which you spoke?" he asked nodding to one that had their back turned to the pair.

"Some of them, there are a lot of cosplayers but let's get your clothes before someone gets suspicious and starts asking questions or worse-" before she could even finish it happened.

"TOM HIDDLES!" a nearby girl shrieked gleefully.

Almost like something out of a zombie movie the fangirls lept toward him, Katerina barely had time to react before they tackled him.

Loki had never been a fan of crowds but this really did it, before he could really think he shifted to his frost giant form and shouted, "KNEEL!"

Surprisingly they did, allowing him to get up and dust himself off.

"Who knew that would come in handy?" Katerina whispered looking at the kneeling fangirl hoard.

"And you doubted me," he chuckled.

"KATERINA'S BETRAYED US!" One of the girls shrieked.

"Chill Kelly! If I remember correctly yesterday you were convinced he was a nut job."

"I-i did not!" she squeaked noticing the death glares from everyone else.

"Here is my decree!" Loki said in a commanding voice, "Let us shop in peace, and for Odin's sake quit groveling!"

The fans nodded parting like the red sea to let them through. Once they were out of earshot Katerina let out a sigh of relief.

"That was the single most freaky thing I've ever had to go through," she muttered shuddering.

"I concur," he said nodding in agreement.

"Let's get your clothes and go," she muttered.

Loki nodded and followed behind her silently, fifteen minutes later they'd finished their shopping.

"Time to go home," she said starting the car. Which promptly died. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"


End file.
